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Post by mtnme on Feb 10, 2009 22:19:50 GMT -5
.
Quote of the day:
Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh!t.
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Post by mtnme on Feb 17, 2009 13:43:01 GMT -5
Never Argue with a Woman
One morning the husband returns after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar
with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She
motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside
the woman and says...
'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't it obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading,' she replies.
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in
and write you up,' he replies
'For reading a book?,' she replies.
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again...
'I'm sorry, officer, but I am not fishing. I am
reading,' she replies, again.
Again he says, 'Yes, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have
to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with
Sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For
all I know you could start at any moment,' she says
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Never argue with a woman who reads...it's likely she can also think.
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Post by Lori on Mar 7, 2009 14:53:21 GMT -5
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Post by Lori on Mar 23, 2009 19:47:37 GMT -5
The Hormone Guide
Women understand this. Men should memorize it!
Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other.
DANGEROUS: "What's for dinner?"
SAFER: "Can I help you with dinner?"
SAFEST: "Where would you like to go for dinner?"
ULTRA SAFE: "Here, have some wine."
DANGEROUS: "Are you wearing that?"
SAFER: "You sure look good in brown!"
SAFEST: "WOW! Look at you!"
ULTRA SAFE: "Here, have some wine."
DANGEROUS: "What are you so worked up about?"
SAFER: "Could we be overreacting?"
SAFEST: "Here's my paycheck."
ULTRA SAFE: "Here, have some wine."
DANGEROUS: "Should you be eating that?"
SAFER: "You know, there are a lot of apples left..."
SAFEST: "Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?"
ULTRA SAFE: "Here, have some wine."
DANGEROUS: "What did you DO all day?"
SAFER: "I hope you didn't over-do it today."
SAFEST: "I've always loved you in that robe!"
ULTRA SAFE: "Here, have some wine."
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Post by tabatha on Mar 23, 2009 23:35:28 GMT -5
I love the picture of the cat with the flower, that looks just like Matheny, a cat I had.
Great woman jokes! ;D
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Post by mtnme on Apr 7, 2009 20:26:05 GMT -5
Easter Greetings.... 
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Post by mtnme on Apr 23, 2009 15:47:29 GMT -5
While these photos are amusing, as one who works in the building industry, I can attest that 'brain farts' like this happen all too frequently. As one contractor told me "My guys don't get paid to think" ...well, these photos are certainly proof positive of that!  But still, they ARE pretty laughable.  ________________________________________________________________ Ladies & Gentlemen, Good evening and welcome to the 2008 Contractor Awards. And the Nominees are:  Whoa! How would you like to get your car up and down that on an icy winter morning?   Stairway to ...?   mmmmm, did they change their mind about the second story after the fact?  There's a saying about shoddy workmanship - "It looks like it was done by a drunken sailor" That phrase doesn't even BEGIN to cover it!  ...this is why God created building codes...  ....repel to the balcony below?  OK, this kind of error happens so frequently I can't find it funny anymore....    ...and the winner is....? (Their decision, not mine)  |
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Post by mtnme on May 31, 2009 10:24:29 GMT -5
OMG! and LOL! ____________________________________________________________________ GRILLING TIPS - JUST IN TIME FOR THIS SUMMER'S COOKING.... As every Hoosier knows, come this spring it will be time to get ready for that all-important cooking technique of the south --- outdoor grilling! I have just found out there are many stores (not just in Indiana ) where you can get a FREE Bar-B-Q grill! In these tough times free useful items are very welcome. You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores: A&P - Albertsons - Costco - No Frills - Food Basics - Home Depot - - Lowes - Sam's Club -
Publix - Wal Mart - Sobey's - Safeway - Shopper's Super Store - Coles I especially like the higher rack -- which can be used for keeping things warm! Just make sure to get a metal one... the plastic ones don't do so well. |
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Post by Lori on Jun 4, 2009 21:10:23 GMT -5
I can't respond to any emails today...
Something has crashed on my computer  And the mouse is missing . . .
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Post by mtnme on Jul 8, 2009 12:55:12 GMT -5
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Post by mtnme on Jan 8, 2010 0:53:35 GMT -5
BURGLARY IN FLORIDA Ya just can't make this stuff up!!
When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was 'a generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder.
(That's at least the way the police report described it.)
A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said,
'that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably
thought they'd hit the big time.
Later, Nathan stood in front of the numerous
TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: 'Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.'
The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer
known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: 'Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings.
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~Lori
