Funny E-mails

[skaterswaltz]

sk8on - those are spot on!!! I'll have to remember those!

[Lori]

Okay, Lily, you sent me this in an e-mail, so it deserves inclusion here... if I can stop laughing!

True Friendship
None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces or angels here - Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry b*stard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little, tiny words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the he!! away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will probably point and laugh at your clumsy a**.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its true warmth.

Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel...

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

[amyurban]

I got these very funny animated gifs the day that Obama won the presidency. Not sure any of you have seen them yet, but I just had to pass them on and let you guys see them. I LMAO so hard!

[mtnme]

Amy, those are absolutely HILARIOUS!!!!!

Right Click, Save....and sending to everyone I know! Thanks for the laugh.

Love your Christmas Card too!

[number1fan]

what a great way to start the day!

thanks for sharing these crraazy gifs with us amyurban!

[amyurban]

I'm glad you both liked them. I knew if any of you had not seen those yet, you'd get a good laugh at them, how could one not?

I try to pass on the laughs as much as possible. With all the bad, crazy crap going on in the world right now, we can all use them as much as possible, know what I mean?

BTW mtnme, have you seen any of the pictures coming out of Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland"? I've seen many at my Live Journal. I belong to a Tim Burton community there. Let me know if you want to see any of them, okay? Oh man, Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter is just WILD, I'm telling you, completely WILD! He's about as unrecognizable there as he was in Edward Scissorhands, seriously. But I'm sure he'll be GREAT in the part.

I can't wait for that movie!

Also, thanks for the compliment on the snowy gif I put as my siggie in here for now. It is the holidays, you know. I got that at Photobucket. They have some REALLY nice one's there if you know how to look. I've saved so many, it's insane. I love to collect "the pretteh!"

[amyurban]

I got another good one today, a "Friendship" e-mail and yep, sounds just like the friend who sent it to me, too! LOL!

Gotta love it!

None of that Sissy Crap
Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good,
But never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad --I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick --Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up and dust you off--
After I laugh my butt off!!

9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask -- because you are my FRIEND!
Friendship is like peeing your pants,
Everyone can see it,
But only you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends,
Then get depressed because you can only think Of 4.

[mtnme]

Bad Dog!!! No Biscuit!!!!





Happy Holidays!

[mtnme]

Welcome to MY World....

[amyurban]

We got a lot of the white stuff here today, too. In fact, it's still coming down and there's more tomorrow.

Hubby and child already know they have no work and school tomorrow. Practically the whole Portland metro area is shutting down. Too dangerous for most to be out there in any kind of vehicle right now. We got a HUGE blast of arctic air in here. Supposed to be hanging around all week, in fact....

[Lori]

Here's a funny one for y'all at year's end... UNCLE JAY EXPLAINS THE NEWS. Hilarious!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWiXy55OHyY

[mtnme]

.
.
Good One Lori! Isn't that guy just hilarious?

_____________________________________________________________________________________________


Bank of the USA

Dear Sirs,

In view of what seems to be happening with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me correctly about the following.

If one of my checks is returned marked 'insufficient funds,' how do I know whether that refers to me, or to you?

Sincerely,
A Troubled Customer

[mtnme]

Thesneeze.com

I was introduced to this site by my Audacious, Bawdy Brit friend. (Just think an older version of Elle, with (obviously) far less good taste and any reasonable amount of restraint.) Good Lord Above, where DOES she find this stuff?

With all that has happened in the course of the last few months: Financial collapse, joblessness, economy completely in the crapper and just an all around feeling that this whole country is going to hell in a hand basket, you may have held the opinion that life here in the good ol’ US of A leaves much to be desired at the moment. Ya know what? Well, me too….that is until I perused the following blog ‘The Sneeze’ – subcategory “ Steve, don’t eat it!

www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat_steve_dont_eat_it.php


By the time I had made it down to volume 9, I had dropped to my knees and thanked my maker for being all merciful that he had seen fit to have me enter the world in a country that does NOT consider ‘silkworm pupas’ edible - nor further allows them to be canned and packaged for same purpose. Forget the bloggers’ dilemma of getting the dry heaves just flipping the lid…I about near ‘tossed my cookies’ just looking at the picture. …which would have been unfortunate as after reading this, I was already laughing so hard, I couldn’t draw breath, WHILE simultaneously spewing my morning coffee through my nasal passages. …making that whole ‘necessary to sustain life’ breathing thing doubly hard.
(...and No, clearly, I would not by any stretch of the imagination have been a viable candidate for the show ‘Fear Factor’)


But wait! There’s more!!! We wouldn’t want you to not have anything to wash those down with, - so I further give you the recipe for ‘Prison Wine’ (Volume 8). I don’t want to give away too much, but let’s just say it gives you one more use for your toilet than you ever dreamed (or more accurately ‘in your worst nightmares’) would have thought of.


But enough about tasty hors d’oeuvres for broke and single frat parties. For you parents, I give you:

Raisins vs Drum Set. Play the little video-raisins 2006. This young child on receiving a small box of raisins for Christmas elicited the sort of ecstatic glee usually reserved for over-priced, over-advertised and exceedingly and unnecessarily over-difficult to find gifts that are hawked during Saturday morning cartoon shows a full 9 months before the blessed event.

www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000592.php


But OH! What a difference a year makes!

On receiving the same gift the next Christmas, said same child was near just short of howling ‘’ "You gave me freaking RAISINS for Christmas???!!!!" (and the only reason he didn’t was ‘cause mummy and daddy hadn’t taught him those tawdry little gems, and he was too young for kindergarten, where he would have learned ‘em in the sandbox from his peers like the rest of us!)

Rasins 2007
www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000749.php

So don’t tell me American kids aren’t spoiled. LOL.
If this were Sudan, or some other war torn, famine ridden, poverty stricken country, a box of raisins would have been considered a kingly gift worthy of High Hosanna’s to the powers that be.

….but I digress….If this blog doesn’t make you at least crack a smile, if not full on, laugh out loud, you need to make an emergency appointment to Dr. Phil- or whoever, as your sense of humor is seriously broken.

…now if you’ll excuse me, I think I have to change my unmentionables – ‘cause reading that thing was just about waaaaayyyy more than my bladder could withstand without sullying myself.

[mtnme]

This isn't a funny e-mail, but it does give you something to think about. How often has a random stranger make a huge impact on your life. Sometimes we make impacts on others lives that we don't even realize.

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FAITH makes all things possible, not easy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day, when I was a freshman in high school,

I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.

His name was Kyle.

It looked like he was carrying all of his books.

I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?

He must really be a nerd.'

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.

They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him..

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.

As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks.' They really should get lives. '

He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!'

There was a big smile on his face.

It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.

As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.

He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little football

with my friends

He said yes.

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.

I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday! '

He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends..

When we were seniors we began to think about college.

Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never

be a problem.

He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship..

Kyle was valedictorian of our class.

I teased him all the time about being a nerd.

He had to prepare a speech for graduation.

I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak

Graduation day, I saw Kyle.

He looked great.

He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.

He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.

He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.

Boy, sometimes I was jealous!

Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech.

So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!'

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.

' Thanks,' he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began

'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.

Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends....

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.

I am going to tell you a story.'

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the

first day we met.

He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.

He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

'Thankfully, I was saved.

My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable..'

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions..

With one small gesture you can change a person's life.

For better or for worse.

God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way.

Look for God in others.



You now have two choices, you can :

1) Pass this on to your friends or

2) Delete it and act like it didn't touch your heart.

As you can see, I took choice number 1.

'Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.'

There is no beginning or end..

Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift.



It's National Friendship Week.

[mtnme]

(just ask Michael Phelps...)