mtnme, that was hilarious
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After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics any problem they had with the airplane during the flight.
The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then explain in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.
The pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some 'actual' maintenance problems submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineer)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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ETA: One more...
A Blonde that is not so dumb!
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a flight from
L.A. To New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely
declines
And rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists. He explains how the game works. "I ask you a
Question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-
Versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily
Win the match, so he makes another offer. "If you don't know the
Answer, you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will
pay you $500."
The blonde figures there will be no end to this torment unless she
Plays, so she agrees. The lawyer asks, "What's the distance from the
Earth to the moon?"
The blonde reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and
Hands it to the lawyer Then she asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill
With three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer is puzzled. He uses his laptop to search for references. He
Taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and the
Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends emails to his coworkers and
Friends. No luck. After an hour, he gives up.
He wakes the blonde and hands her $500
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is going nuts trying to figure it out, wakes the
blonde and asks,
"Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back
to sleep.
and you charge HOW MUCH per hour?
