Post by snmphotography on May 26, 2007 22:23:09 GMT -5
NOTE
The chapters might not appear as frequently since school's officially started for the summer for me; so I appreciate patience -- but don't let me go too long without writing
Hound me if you must. -love-
:::7:::
POTENTIAL DOWNFALL Apolo answered the ringing phone to hear Jenna say, "I swear to God she's going to drive me to the brink of suicide this time!"
"What? What happened?" Apolo asked.
"She won't do the physical therapy."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. She doesn't talk. She just mopes and gets attitude with everyone. Just sits around, staring out windows or playing her guitar."
Apolo was confused. This wasn't the Thalia he knew. The Thalia he knew wouldn't let this hold her back. She'd torn ligaments and hadn't let it deter her from her Olympic dreams. Now, with a bad landing and some pain she was giving up? Apolo knew Jenna was at her wit's end, he could hear it in her voice. She was on the brink of tears.
"Her mother, her brothers. No one can get through to her."
Thalia had opted to go back to Colorado Springs instead of her hometown of San Francisco where her mother still lived. Apolo sensed it was because she wanted to be alone.
He thought for a moment and sighed before saying, "Ok, you know what. I have another competition in Korea, but after that I get a little break. Maybe I can try talking to her a little bit."
"Would you?" Jenna asked. "I wasn't implying you try, I just needed to vent to someone."
"No, it's fine." Apolo assured her. They got off the phone and Apolo plopped down on to the sofa.
He couldn't help wondering about his conversation with Shani the day of Thalia's accident. He was so sure of sticking it out with her then. He knew now it was because she was so much like him; determined, strong-willed, and ready to face obstacles. She wouldn't give up easily and he really liked that about her because it gave them a fighting chance.
Suddenly thrust into a different situation, and she'd changed just as suddenly. He could understand depression and a feeling of doubt after suffering that set back, but Thalia was acting like it was the end of the world and not worth trying.
Now Apolo couldn't help asking himself the questions Shani had asked him: Is it worth all the trouble? Is she worth it? He didn't feel good about doubting her because he did care for her, but if this was her true nature then everything else would have been a show, a lie. Apolo wouldn't be ok with that.
Four days later, Apolo returned to the center in Colorado and almost immediately went to Thalia's room. Taped on the front door were noted and cards from the many friends Thalia had acquired in her short time at the center. Apolo took them off to take them inside. He knocked on the door and waited for Jenna to answer it.
Entering, Jenna said, "I'll take your bags to your room. She's all yours."
"Yeah, thanks." Apolo said, handing over his bag. Thalia was sitting in a wheelchair like an invalid at the window, just looking out.
The door closed and Apolo hesitated. A quick clearing of the throat and he said, "You've got a lot of well wishes here. I'll leave them on the piano for you."
He came up behind her and set down the cards next to her. She didn't move, but as he backed away she spoke. It was barely above a whisper since it had been three weeks of silence.
"You know," she cleared her throat. "I've been thinking."
"Do you want some water?" Apolo asked. She nodded, but continued to look out the window.
He fetched her a bottled water from her fridge; she took a sip before going on.
"I think you and I shouldn't go further with all of this." she said.
It took him a bit off guard and he asked her why she'd say that. She hesitated, keeping the tears from falling.
"I'm not going to skate anymore Apolo. I don't have what it'll take now. I agreed to do the physical therapy, but I think now it's just time for me to focus on school. I think it's just not meant for me to go all the way."
"So you're giving up."
Apolo didn't know whether to storm out or shake her. She couldn't think up an answer. She felt defeated by the whole thing. How many times could she injure the same knee and not be ok anymore? The doctors told her one more bad landing could kill the knee completely and training would be over. To top it all off, she was already facing lifelong pain and discomfort because of the first two previous injuries to her knee.
Apolo grabbed her wheelchair after having disappeared to her room for a minute. She saw her equipment bag over his shoulder and without speaking he flew her out of the room and to an elevator. She didn't even bother asking him what he was doing, she already knew. She was going to take her to a free rink and lecture her about determination and commitment.
After a stop at his room for his skates, he did exactly that. In a rink not being used, Apolo laced up his skates and grabbed her up into his arms. He started skating with her around and around, saying nothing.
"When does the lecture start, coach?" she asked sarcastically.
"You know what, Lia?" he asked angrily. "I've been wondering something for a few days now. Are you a compulsive liar or just putting up a strong front?"
"What?"
"I feel like this might be the real you. Like everything I was learning about you before hand was a big lie. I feel like a fool."
"I never lied to you. Are you joking me?"
Apolo gritted his teeth and shook his head.
"I didn't lie to you." she repeated softly and little vulnerably. "It's just ... I don't think I want to take any more risks. One more bad landing and my knee is shot for good. There are three years before the next Games and do you know how many bad landings are going to happen?"
Apolo stopped in the center of the rink and said, "Probably a hundred. Give or take a few. I don't understand why that's stopping you. This isn't the worst you've ever experienced. You pulled through that. Maybe a little irresponsibly and at the frustration and worry of others, but you got through it."
His tone turned softer; he was pleading with her now.
"Don't do this to yourself, Lia. Don't give up and leave. Study your heart out to become that zoologist and by all means, save the world. But look me in the eye right now and tell me you wouldn't regret giving up the Olympics. After all of this."
She couldn't deny him and she knew he was speaking the truth. The tears she'd been holding in for weeks rushed to her eyes and created walls of glass, waiting to explode under the pressure. Apolo held her close and said, "If you were anyone else I think I would have been turned off by all of this. But I know you, Lia. This isn't you. I really like you, and it's safe to say with time I could fall in love with you, but I could not be around to watch your self-inflicted downfall."
The words had cut her deep, but nothing snapped her out of the depression and self-pity. Apolo finally got fed up and left her in her room. He had figured getting her in the ink would spark something, but even when he'd laced up her skates and let her lean on him so as not to put pressure on her knee, she still didn't do anything but coast along the ice. She didn't speak, but Apolo could tell she was embarrassed about the way she was carrying on, yet she was too proud to admit her immature wrong-doing. He knew she figured it better to continue on this path and try to convince everyone she was ready to retire anyway, she'd even go so far as to tell magazines "the injury was just the deciding factor."
Sitting on the sofa, her dogs on either side of her, she looked down at their faces. They seemed as depressed as she was and somehow she knew they were picking up on and mimicking her emotions which made her feel even worse. She lived to make them happy and she remembered how overjoyed they were to see her again. Bradley had taken them in while she was in Europe and when he bought them home they couldn't stop shaking from excitement. After a few hours they began to notice she wasn't paying them too much attention, she wasn't moving and it seemed like hard effort to pet them. After a day or two, the dogs were sedentary and Thalia was just realizing they weren't eating their food.
She looked into their big eyes, searching her face for signs of life. Waiting to be told they could come alive again. They would only do so when they followed their leader; when Thalia came alive again.
The physical therapists had provided her with a walker and a pair of crutches. The walker was closest and she stared at it as if maybe she needed to proceed with caution or it might attack her.
She sat up, reached for it and drug it to her. It took her four tries and 10 minutes to stand up from the sofa. The pain in her legs was excruciating. Now that some kind of determination was slowly creeping back in, the realization that she would pain killers became just as evident. The dogs' ears perked up and Torro raised his head as if asking, "What are you doing, Ma?" Toto, after watching Torro's reaction, imitated his older brother.
The bottle of pain killers was on the counter in the kitchen and she took 15 minutes getting over there. Whenever she breathed she hurt all over and her muscles were sore and stiff from lack of movement in two weeks time. She took short breaths and gripped the walker so tight her knuckles were white and her nails created half moons in the palms of her hands.
Torro gave a deep bark that seemed like encouragement and Toto and tried to imitate. He succeeded with only a squeaky version, but Thalia smiled inside because of his effort.
As she was struggling the door opened and Apolo walked in saying, "I forgot to leave your key..."
Seeing her standing and struggling to walk across the room he was stunned into silence. For a few long seconds he just watched her and then his reaction was to help her because she was moving so slowly.
"No," she said shrugging him off. He stood back and watched her reach the kitchen counter and open the bottle to have a pain killer.
"Thalia," he said. She looked at him and said, "I still think maybe this won't work between us."
Today was not lacking in shocking revelations for Apolo and although she said the words softly and gently, they still stung him. He set the keys on the table and said bye before leaving to walk around the compound.
The chapters might not appear as frequently since school's officially started for the summer for me; so I appreciate patience -- but don't let me go too long without writing
Hound me if you must. -love-:::7:::
POTENTIAL DOWNFALL Apolo answered the ringing phone to hear Jenna say, "I swear to God she's going to drive me to the brink of suicide this time!"
"What? What happened?" Apolo asked.
"She won't do the physical therapy."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. She doesn't talk. She just mopes and gets attitude with everyone. Just sits around, staring out windows or playing her guitar."
Apolo was confused. This wasn't the Thalia he knew. The Thalia he knew wouldn't let this hold her back. She'd torn ligaments and hadn't let it deter her from her Olympic dreams. Now, with a bad landing and some pain she was giving up? Apolo knew Jenna was at her wit's end, he could hear it in her voice. She was on the brink of tears.
"Her mother, her brothers. No one can get through to her."
Thalia had opted to go back to Colorado Springs instead of her hometown of San Francisco where her mother still lived. Apolo sensed it was because she wanted to be alone.
He thought for a moment and sighed before saying, "Ok, you know what. I have another competition in Korea, but after that I get a little break. Maybe I can try talking to her a little bit."
"Would you?" Jenna asked. "I wasn't implying you try, I just needed to vent to someone."
"No, it's fine." Apolo assured her. They got off the phone and Apolo plopped down on to the sofa.
He couldn't help wondering about his conversation with Shani the day of Thalia's accident. He was so sure of sticking it out with her then. He knew now it was because she was so much like him; determined, strong-willed, and ready to face obstacles. She wouldn't give up easily and he really liked that about her because it gave them a fighting chance.
Suddenly thrust into a different situation, and she'd changed just as suddenly. He could understand depression and a feeling of doubt after suffering that set back, but Thalia was acting like it was the end of the world and not worth trying.
Now Apolo couldn't help asking himself the questions Shani had asked him: Is it worth all the trouble? Is she worth it? He didn't feel good about doubting her because he did care for her, but if this was her true nature then everything else would have been a show, a lie. Apolo wouldn't be ok with that.
Four days later, Apolo returned to the center in Colorado and almost immediately went to Thalia's room. Taped on the front door were noted and cards from the many friends Thalia had acquired in her short time at the center. Apolo took them off to take them inside. He knocked on the door and waited for Jenna to answer it.
Entering, Jenna said, "I'll take your bags to your room. She's all yours."
"Yeah, thanks." Apolo said, handing over his bag. Thalia was sitting in a wheelchair like an invalid at the window, just looking out.
The door closed and Apolo hesitated. A quick clearing of the throat and he said, "You've got a lot of well wishes here. I'll leave them on the piano for you."
He came up behind her and set down the cards next to her. She didn't move, but as he backed away she spoke. It was barely above a whisper since it had been three weeks of silence.
"You know," she cleared her throat. "I've been thinking."
"Do you want some water?" Apolo asked. She nodded, but continued to look out the window.
He fetched her a bottled water from her fridge; she took a sip before going on.
"I think you and I shouldn't go further with all of this." she said.
It took him a bit off guard and he asked her why she'd say that. She hesitated, keeping the tears from falling.
"I'm not going to skate anymore Apolo. I don't have what it'll take now. I agreed to do the physical therapy, but I think now it's just time for me to focus on school. I think it's just not meant for me to go all the way."
"So you're giving up."
Apolo didn't know whether to storm out or shake her. She couldn't think up an answer. She felt defeated by the whole thing. How many times could she injure the same knee and not be ok anymore? The doctors told her one more bad landing could kill the knee completely and training would be over. To top it all off, she was already facing lifelong pain and discomfort because of the first two previous injuries to her knee.
Apolo grabbed her wheelchair after having disappeared to her room for a minute. She saw her equipment bag over his shoulder and without speaking he flew her out of the room and to an elevator. She didn't even bother asking him what he was doing, she already knew. She was going to take her to a free rink and lecture her about determination and commitment.
After a stop at his room for his skates, he did exactly that. In a rink not being used, Apolo laced up his skates and grabbed her up into his arms. He started skating with her around and around, saying nothing.
"When does the lecture start, coach?" she asked sarcastically.
"You know what, Lia?" he asked angrily. "I've been wondering something for a few days now. Are you a compulsive liar or just putting up a strong front?"
"What?"
"I feel like this might be the real you. Like everything I was learning about you before hand was a big lie. I feel like a fool."
"I never lied to you. Are you joking me?"
Apolo gritted his teeth and shook his head.
"I didn't lie to you." she repeated softly and little vulnerably. "It's just ... I don't think I want to take any more risks. One more bad landing and my knee is shot for good. There are three years before the next Games and do you know how many bad landings are going to happen?"
Apolo stopped in the center of the rink and said, "Probably a hundred. Give or take a few. I don't understand why that's stopping you. This isn't the worst you've ever experienced. You pulled through that. Maybe a little irresponsibly and at the frustration and worry of others, but you got through it."
His tone turned softer; he was pleading with her now.
"Don't do this to yourself, Lia. Don't give up and leave. Study your heart out to become that zoologist and by all means, save the world. But look me in the eye right now and tell me you wouldn't regret giving up the Olympics. After all of this."
She couldn't deny him and she knew he was speaking the truth. The tears she'd been holding in for weeks rushed to her eyes and created walls of glass, waiting to explode under the pressure. Apolo held her close and said, "If you were anyone else I think I would have been turned off by all of this. But I know you, Lia. This isn't you. I really like you, and it's safe to say with time I could fall in love with you, but I could not be around to watch your self-inflicted downfall."
The words had cut her deep, but nothing snapped her out of the depression and self-pity. Apolo finally got fed up and left her in her room. He had figured getting her in the ink would spark something, but even when he'd laced up her skates and let her lean on him so as not to put pressure on her knee, she still didn't do anything but coast along the ice. She didn't speak, but Apolo could tell she was embarrassed about the way she was carrying on, yet she was too proud to admit her immature wrong-doing. He knew she figured it better to continue on this path and try to convince everyone she was ready to retire anyway, she'd even go so far as to tell magazines "the injury was just the deciding factor."
Sitting on the sofa, her dogs on either side of her, she looked down at their faces. They seemed as depressed as she was and somehow she knew they were picking up on and mimicking her emotions which made her feel even worse. She lived to make them happy and she remembered how overjoyed they were to see her again. Bradley had taken them in while she was in Europe and when he bought them home they couldn't stop shaking from excitement. After a few hours they began to notice she wasn't paying them too much attention, she wasn't moving and it seemed like hard effort to pet them. After a day or two, the dogs were sedentary and Thalia was just realizing they weren't eating their food.
She looked into their big eyes, searching her face for signs of life. Waiting to be told they could come alive again. They would only do so when they followed their leader; when Thalia came alive again.
The physical therapists had provided her with a walker and a pair of crutches. The walker was closest and she stared at it as if maybe she needed to proceed with caution or it might attack her.
She sat up, reached for it and drug it to her. It took her four tries and 10 minutes to stand up from the sofa. The pain in her legs was excruciating. Now that some kind of determination was slowly creeping back in, the realization that she would pain killers became just as evident. The dogs' ears perked up and Torro raised his head as if asking, "What are you doing, Ma?" Toto, after watching Torro's reaction, imitated his older brother.
The bottle of pain killers was on the counter in the kitchen and she took 15 minutes getting over there. Whenever she breathed she hurt all over and her muscles were sore and stiff from lack of movement in two weeks time. She took short breaths and gripped the walker so tight her knuckles were white and her nails created half moons in the palms of her hands.
Torro gave a deep bark that seemed like encouragement and Toto and tried to imitate. He succeeded with only a squeaky version, but Thalia smiled inside because of his effort.
As she was struggling the door opened and Apolo walked in saying, "I forgot to leave your key..."
Seeing her standing and struggling to walk across the room he was stunned into silence. For a few long seconds he just watched her and then his reaction was to help her because she was moving so slowly.
"No," she said shrugging him off. He stood back and watched her reach the kitchen counter and open the bottle to have a pain killer.
"Thalia," he said. She looked at him and said, "I still think maybe this won't work between us."
Today was not lacking in shocking revelations for Apolo and although she said the words softly and gently, they still stung him. He set the keys on the table and said bye before leaving to walk around the compound.
I can see why Apolo would think that Lia was putting on a front, but a possible career ending injury can make anyone depressed (I know because I speak from experience). 
